weird is in the air

Strange things are happening lately. 

Though at my perceived worst state of appearance, I assume I am unconsciously (and surely quite unwillingly) spreading misleading messages through the air. Otherwise I have no explanation of why so many men recently seem to believe that they are welcome to join me into my pants or at least to try. Or to address me like a professional hooker.

In 4 weeks I experienced:

- A 27 years old blond shallow yet somehow funny boy with whom I went out for a drink once who sent me at 3:30 am on a Friday night an email reading “Hi, what´s up? Want to come over?”. I presume he wanted to show me his stamps collection, at 3:30 am. *Not answered*.

- A 40-something years old, chain smoker, not particularly attractive but surely not stupid French man who, during an actually quite interesting yet not very original conversation about men/women managed to let me know that for him, an ideal week-end with a woman does not imply leaving the abode. “Oh, interesting. I have to go to the toilet; would you excuse me?”

- A 30ish very handsome Kneanu Reeves type who walks to me while I am leaving the subway station after a dog day at work saying how he noticed me in the train and if I have a boyfriend, no?, oh, then maybe we can hang out, maybe you are like me, an open minded person, someone who likes to have fun, you know what I mean. Yes, I know what you mean, and no, in this case I am not open minded, no. Oh, so you look for a relationship? Yes, I do. Oh, so you are conservative? (wait, wait…since when not screwing the first stranger who hits on you in a subway station equates being conservative?! I mean, I am very progressive but not a slut…please, please tell me that there is still a formal and substantial difference!). “Sorry, ´twas nice meeting you, I have to go”. 

- My 36 years old historic ex boyfriend of so many years who roughly got out of my life after meeting his new girl (fine) and who has not talked to me for exactly 2 years (not quite fine). Mr. Elegance, successful and appreciated attorney, decides to break the silence and get back in contact with me writing an email asking if maybe I could send him some sexy pictures of me, not necessarily nudes, maybe wearing sandals or nice lingerie, it´s ok if my face is covered.  And since I am so into charity projects, he would be happy to donate 50 bucks pro picture to any organization of my choice. “Ih Ih, how funny, oh, yeah and fuck off, ex-boyfriend. There is always a reason for that ex-”.

Now,

seriuously...

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU GUYS ?!  GET SOBER!